Perils of sailing
2019-05-25 Comments
My sister's husband Carl, is an only child but his parents have lots of siblings. He has many cousins in the US and some scattered across Europe. He has an uncle that lives in France. Nearly every year they take a trip over there for shopping and to meet up with his relations, who live near Calais. It's his dad's friend from the UK - Ned and his son Norm - who instigate the trip and my brother-in-law's parents are the first to be invited to join them. Once they know the date, Carl's dad contacts his brother in France, to set up the rendezvous.
Carl's parents have other friends from the UK who tag along, as they usually go to the shopping outlets and pick up some booze too. They usually end up with about 3 to 6 cars riding in convoy. They all meet at Dover to group together before getting on the ferry. I jumped at the chance to go, the one and only time I was invited to join them because there was space in the car. My sister was riding shotgun whilst my brother-in-law was driving and I sat behind my sister and Carl's parents were crammed into the back with me. I think I sat next to his mum.
Through their many years of doing this trip, everyone knew to come prepared. Each family had brought along a packed lunch or picnic with them and they usually shared with the other cars, so some were filled with trays of food. Carl's dad, Bob - had a hefty lunch prepared along with all the proper utensils in the boot.
When the time came to board the ferry, Carl followed the ferry staff directions. The staff were dotted around the place waving their arms to indicate which lane you were supposed to follow. Carl was in the middle of the convoy and closely following one of his dad's friend when suddenly we got directed into a different lane. It led round to a quiet area behind some buildings. From there the staff guided us into a warehouse. The shutters came down behind us and we pulled to a halt.
We all looked at each other. Huh? What's going on? We waited for what seemed like a few minutes, then some official looking people surrounded the car. We froze, anticipating what the hell was going to happen next. Inside the car was dead quiet, we could hear each other breathing and there was some serious oxygen guzzling going on, it was so intense. Then one guy stepped forward and asked Carl to step out of the car. We could see him direct Carl to the back of the car.
Shortly after, Bob got out to give support to Carl. They were made to open the boot of the car. We could only make out the muffled conversation between the three of them. We felt the gush of air move as the boot opened and then one of the officials pulled out a massive Cook's knife. You know, the big 12 inch (30cm) ones. Oh my God, I could picture myself in a cell sitting on a grungy bed, with the metal toilet to the side of me, a rat in the corner running along the edge of the wall and a heavy smell of wee in the air. Hmm, what do I have to hand to make a shiv? No-no, Im getting carried away with myself, snap out of it!
Us ladies waited in anticipation, we stayed silent. More muffled conversation and then they suddenly handed Bob back the knife, he slipped it back into the boot and we were ushered on. The set of shutters in front of us were opened and Carl drove off. As we left, we could see the following car behind us being directed in before the shutters went down.
We burst out laughing with a sense of relief as we left the warehouse and back onto the lane towards the ferry. Bob said they were carrying out random security checks and we happened to be selected. He had held his breath when they pulled out the knife, but they realised it wasn't a concealed weapon when they saw all the food he had in the boot. So despite the detour, we got onto the ferry in good time. Once we were parked up, we set out to find the others on board.
At this point, I should mention that I usually have bad travel sickness and on some rare occasions I can get away without throwing up, if I forget to take the travel sickness pills. This time however, in my excitement over the trip I forgot to bring any with me at all. I had my hopes up that with a big enough vessel it shouldn't matter. Setting off was fine. But as the journey wore on, the waves weren't being kind that day. With the motion of the ship and the smell from the fuel, it was beginning to make me nauseous.
I went outside for a while, hoping the fresh air would calm things down. It helped a little but it was getting too cold and windy to be comfortable, and I was back inside soon enough. I dared not eat anything in case it came straight back up. So, I missed out on having breakfast this time. I had a cup of tea instead, but somehow it made things worse. People from the trip offered me mints, which didn't really help but I was willing to try anything.
Fortunately, my suffering was about to end when they announced we were nearing Calais. People started to collect around the exits for the car deck so we joined them. My sister told me I looked pale, just lost all the colour from my face (wah? I had foundation make-up on too). All the blood had drained from my face. I guess that's why everyone was sympathetic towards me. I was still feeling sick as Carl was driving out from the ferry. The dizziness never left me for the rest of the day and I tried to ignore the feeling as I wanted to enjoy the rest of the trip.
We went to a shopping mall and my sister and I headed towards the pharmacy. We love looking and buying all the cosmeceuticals because the French have a good selection at fair prices. We spent some time looking and picking out what we wanted and then headed off to meet up with her husband and in-laws.
We were to meet everyone in the car park for lunch. Luckily, we were parked within a few cars of each other and everyone had their boots open. Some people were moving between car to car to pick up different foods. And I couldn't resist Bob's fried noodles and roasted chicken. I washed it down with a bottle of water. During this time, Bob's brother and kids arrived and they greeted each other. Carl was catching up with his cousins while my sister and I helped ourselves to more food.
We spent an hour eating, drinking and chatting. I was ravenous for not having breakfast, so when people started to come around with tupperware full of food, who was I to turn them down? I forgot my dizziness through my hunger and indulged in all the food that was offered. I know, I know, bad idea. What about the return journey? You may ask.
Not long after, we packed up and Carl said goodbye to his relations and we went on to do more shopping. This time my sister and I headed to the supermarket. It was a big one and we perused the aisles and spent a lot of time around the beauty shelves. I remember we bought a lot of soaps and face wash, haha. We picked up some nice chocolatey snacks too.
Before we knew it, it was time to make our way to the meet point to get Carl and his parents, then get back to the car. Some cars had gone off to pick up booze from other outlets so we would meet them back at the ferry. Carl became the second in line to follow Ned back to the ferry. On the journey back I was dreading the ferry ride. I realised that I shouldn't have eaten so much for lunch and that there would be consequences!
The run up to the ferry was straightforward this time, no security check detours and we boarded quite smoothly. When the ferry fuel smell hit me, I felt the queasiness hit me very quickly this time. Oh no, here we go. Everything seemed worse, the nausea was coming on quick and more intense. The ferry hadn't even left France yet. Oh dear God!
My vision was swirling round and round, I felt like I was on a children's roundabout - spinning backwards. All that food I had for lunch hadn't helped matters. I'm guessing all the blood needed to digest was taken away from my brain, therefore making the travel sick feel ten times worse. I'm sure once I threw up I would feel much better. Unfortunately for me, my stomach wasn't ready to let go of lunch yet. I suffered for a little while longer. The waves weren't helping either.
Not 10 minutes into the journey, it was coming. My mouth was filling with watery saliva, a clear sign I was about to hurl. So I RAN into the ladies and locked myself in the far end cubicle and gave it up. All of the lunch came out with a vengeance, it was like being sick in a cartoon, it was like a wall of stomach contents. Letting that batch out helped, I felt a bit better but then a new wave of nausea set in. I resigned myself I would be in this cubicle a little while longer. But being inside there with no window and not being able to see out to the horizon exacerbated the nausea. Also, whilst I was looking down I noticed there was some spilled water (please let it be water) maybe a glassful on the floor, it was moving about following the movement of the ship. I was watching the liquid move towards then away from me. It really didn't help and my head was swirling again.
I decided to wait in the cubicle for the next wave of puke to come. Lo and behold, after the build up of dizziness and watery saliva another heave and some more came out. I think I was in the toilet a good hour or so, with a few minutes out of it before running straight back in. I was sick as a dog each time.
After the last gush of sick, I came out to splash myself with water. It was nice to freshen up, but the dizziness and nausea returned. Just when I thought, there couldn't possibly be more to throw up, I was wrong. I rushed back into the cubicle, didn't even bother to lock the door and barfed again, only a tiny bit came out and then I was dry heaving. My sides and ribs were hurthing so much not to mention my stomach too, I'm sure it was inside out by now. But still, I kept retching with nothing coming out. I tried to catch my breath in between the heaves.
When I came out for the last 10 minutes of the journey, my sister told me I looked green. Her husband said the same thing. Damned that lunch feast and my gluttony. Mercifully, we landed shortly after that and back in the car. The travel sickness got a bit better in the car journey home, but I still suffered dizziness for the rest of the evening. The moral of the story is to take travel sickness pills with you or don't eat if you forget them. It doesn't pay to eat before a journey because it's nowhere near as delicious on the way back out as it was the way in. Hmmph!