Awkward moment in class
2019-04-27 Comments
Several years ago when I worked in the City, I signed up to some martial arts classes after work, they were based across town but luckily I was able to get there with time to spare. Initially, I joined the beginners class and did it once a week. Once I got more confident and learnt more forms I increased training to twice a week. On Tuesdays, the instructor was friendly and approachable. I was quite comfortable talking to him and we used to have interesting conversations whilst the previous class finished from the studio we used. On Thursdays, another instructor took the class because it was for more advanced students, but that guy was a bit more stern and standoffish. So, I just used to say my hello's and asked how he was, and that was it. Also, he used to make us work hard.
For both classes we had a little aerobic activity in the last 10 minutes of class. We were put in pairs and lined up across one end of the room. Then we would have to run 10 or 15 lengths (depending on the instructor's mood). By the way, one length being to the other end of the room and back, per person. The stationary person had to shout out the number of lengths covered by their partner. Once the first person completed their lengths, they would tag their partner and the other person would have to run the same amount. The pair who came last had to do a given amount (20-30) of burpees in front of the rest of the class. The class would count the number of burpees out loud, to help keep track.
One week the stern instructor came along with a swollen face and a black eye. Another guy asked him what had happened to him and he went on to tell us without fuss. He had taken a short trip to Paris by himself. He was nearby the Eiffel Tower when a couple of guys tried to mug him. He didn't want to give up his rucksack so he fought them. Fortunately, he managed to get in a couple of hits before they punched him. Then they ran off.
Quite a few of the instructors have come across "trouble" like that, and the stern instructor told us of our Master (the founder and top instructor of the school) was no exception. This had occurred around 3 weeks ago, on a night out. To describe the Master's appearance, he was 5ft 3inches (approx 1.6m) and had the build of Bruce Lee. He was with his girlfriend and was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, so he looked small and harmless. Together with his girlfriend who was a bit shorter than him and had long hair to her waist, they looked like a cute diddy little couple. Anyway, I think they were targeted because not long after taking money out from the cash machine, they were approached by 3 huge guys, all of them over 6ft tall and built like brick poohouses. They all had knives and were really nasty. They surrounded the couple near an alleyway just off the high street, backing them onto a wall. Within a blink of an eye, the Master had hit all 3 of them in the throat with the side of his palm and they were lying on the ground trying to catch their breath and recovering from their choking. The Master then stood over them and shouted "WELL, COME ON THEN, COME ON THEN!" but his girlfriend dragged him away. Just goes to show, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover. We found out he's actually proficient in 3 martial arts, not just the one he teaches in the school. One of the other students turned to me and said "Daaamn! never pick on a little guy because you don't know what's hidden beneath".
So back to my story. Usually, at work I bought lunch from the local delicatessen. My favourite was a tuna and sweetcorn panini, which they toasted with cheese. We'd take it in turns to offer to take other colleagues' order for them. During lunch one day, it was quite warm so I asked my colleague to get me a salad. I gave him the money and when he came back he brought me a green bean salad. It was a good choice because it was delicious. After a while though, my stomach was in disagreement. I had to evacuate from my desk to the toilet and evacuate my bowels too. Mercifully, my insides calmed down and it felt better just before I left the office.
I had a class that evening and it happened to be a Thursday class, and it was the stern guy. The weather remained sunny and warm so people made other plans and as it turned out there were only a handful of students who turned up, around 6 of us in total. We started with the usual warm-ups and then practised our forms. During the warm up, I could feel bubbles in my stomach. The class was very quiet with so little people in the room, but I managed to control a couple bursts of gas. Then we moved onto practising our punches with defences and I got partnered with a senior guy, that is to say that he held a brown belt. Things were going OK after some practise punches and blocks. I could feel a few more bubbles of gas building up and tried to ignore it, I carried on and I went to throw a punch and twisted at my hips. Just as I landed the punch and my partner stopped it with his forearm, I let out the biggest and loudest fart. It seemed to rip and echo so loudly in the near empty studio. Time froze, I froze. Poop! There was no covering that one up.
My instructor looked directly over at us, followed by stares from the other students. Then my partner graciously said "Well, don't look at me. It was her" and to hammer the point home that it wasn't him, he was pointing at me. I was so embarrassed, even mortified, I think I blushed. If my fart had come with smoke, I could have conjured my way out of there. I suppose it's like stifling a cough in a theatre, the more you try and stop yourself the more of a coughing fit you end up having. And with farts, stifling them is only going to make them come out at high pressure. Then to my surprise the stern instructor played it down and told the class to carry on with practise. I didn't think he would let me off so lightly, if it were one of the other guys he would have teased them mercilessly. And guess what? My partner and I lost on the running challenge - probably because I was still trying to get over my embarrassment from the explosive fart, replaying it over and over again in my mind. We were made to do 10 burpees and the instructor joined in halfway through! That was a turn-up for the books.
Edit 14th August 2019; added pictures